Monday, April 21, 2014


Okay, I’m going to admit something here that I’m not proud of.  My husband is planning a golf trip in a couple of weeks and I’m very nervous about being at home alone with my two kids.  Especially now that we have the baby!  I could handle my four year old for the weekend.  But add a three month old into the mix and I’m just not sure I can do this!  I’m spoiled, okay?  My husband is a whole lot of help and I have gotten used to having him around.  He is leaving on a Thursday and not coming home till Sunday.  The weekend might not be so bad, but Friday is going to be difficult.  I will have to get up early enough to get all three of us ready, fed, and out the door.  I will have to go 20 miles south to drop the baby off with my sister, then 30 miles north to get me and the four year old where we need to be.  And hopefully I’ll make it to work by 7:45.  My mom has offered to come and spend Thursday night with me and I’m taking her up on it.  But the point is…

I feel bad that I’m not prepared for this.  I feel inadequate that I’m nervous about keeping my own children.  I am a mother of three – I’m supposed to be pretty good at this by now, right? 

Monday, April 14, 2014

My Latest Adventure...

I’m baaack!  I know I’ve been gone a while, and SO much has happened while I’ve been away.  My husband and I were blessed with another baby, a new little girl.  It was quite a journey, let me tell you!  The decision to try to get pregnant with our third child was not an easy one.  Had I been ten years younger and in better health, I wouldn’t have had to think twice.  But I was 40 with blood pressure issues and people in my situation (read age bracket) don’t have babies! 
 In June of 2012 we decided to try for a year and see what happened.  If, after a year, we still had no child, we would give it up.  I immediately began charting ovulation cycles and marking up my calendar.  After a few months, I began to get nervous.  I wondered if my age was going to be an issue.  We began seeing a fertility specialist who ran some tests on me and told me that I was actually in pretty good shape for someone who had just turned 41.  So we had my husband tested.  His tests didn’t fare as well.  Only about 1% of his little swimmers were shaped correctly.  It really made me wonder how we were able to get pregnant with our daughter after just 6 weeks, and that had only been 3 years earlier.  We began to call her our miracle child!  And I was hoping for just one more miracle. 
After getting news like that, I decided I needed to step it up a bit, especially since the months were flying by and our year would be up before I knew it.  So I began taking medication to up my ovulation.  After a few months, though, we still had no positive test.  We opted for an intrauterine insemination (IUI).  This is not quite as involved (or expensive) as IVF so we could try it a few times if necessary.  We did our first IUI in March of 2013 and it did not work for us.  While I was disappointed, I really didn’t let it get me down.  It was our first shot, after all.  I had convinced myself that our second IUI, scheduled for April, would be the one to seal the deal. 
Now, for those of you who have never experienced working with fertility clinics and inseminations, things are very structured and regulated based on your cycle, your ovulation, etc.  Things have to happen at a certain time, you have a certain window of time in which to work and if you miss that window, you must wait an entire month to try again (duh, but it’s more involved than just saying, “Oh, I’m fertile during these days.  Often, it comes down to a certain hour!). 
The process went like this: Around a certain time of the month of April I began taking daily ovulation tests.  When I got a positive reading, I had 12 hours to call my doctor and go in for a follicle scan to see how many eggs I may produce if any.  Once I saw through ultrasound that there were some possibilities, I then had 24 hours to give myself a shot in the stomach, and get to the other clinic 40 minutes away for the insemination.  I had to leave work in the middle of the day with very little explanation to my boss (I didn’t let everyone at work in on what I was doing) and take off the next day as well for the (hopeful) conception of my child.  My husband had to go through similar hoops at very short notice to make this happen.  That night I was so nervous but so excited! Though I was not fond of having to give myself an injection in the gut, I didn’t even squirm about it this time. 
The next morning, first thing, we drove to the clinic with anticipation.  My husband was called back to give his “deposit”.  It usually takes about an hour to “clean” the deposit, washing away all of the bad swimmers and leaving us with that 1% of strong possible offspring.  An hour had passed and I felt pretty sure they were going to call me back any minute when out of the blue the fire alarm begins sounding and they are rushing us out of the building.  Doctors and nurses were scrambling everywhere trying to move large containers of frozen embryos to safety.  It was a madhouse.  All I could think at the time was that I was glad I wasn’t in some paper gown in a compromising position when that alarm went off!  After waiting outside for what seemed like an eternity, the nurse finally informed us that we would not be allowed back into the building today, and therefore this month’s window was now closed.  I was devastated.  My husband and I went to lunch and I just sobbed openly in the restaurant.  It was April, and my year was over in May.  This was my next to last shot at a baby and it was wasted.  The nurse had told us to go home and try “often” all weekend long since I had the injection in my system, but considering we were only working with 1%, I was not getting my hopes up. 
 But our Lord works in mysterious ways.  The Thursday before Mother’s Day, having not even the slightest symptom of pregnancy, I decided to take a pregnancy test.  The faintest blue line appeared.  To be honest, I don’t even know for sure if it did appear or if I imagined it to be there because I’ve saved the test and the blue line is not there.  It was so faint, but I saw it.  I showed it to my husband and he couldn’t see it.  The next day I couldn’t stand the wait so I left work in the middle of the day, went and bought another test and did it in the bathroom here at the office.  POSITIVE!!!!  And now, we have our beautiful daughter, Landry.  The pregnancy and delivery, well that is a story for a different day.  She is here now, 13 weeks old and the sunshine of my life! 

So that’s what I’ve been doing!  Motherhood at 42, it’s different!  I’m loving every minute of it, but it’s different.  So I’m bringing you along for the ride.  A fortysomething working mom of 3…this is going to be quite the adventure!